The Most Dangerous Stories We Make Up

Screen Shot 2015-07-27 at 9.09.57 AMAs we enter the Rising Strong  launch countdown, I thought I’d share one of my favorite passages from the new book with you. Even though this is something I know in my head, it remains something I have to practice in my heart.

From Rising Strong:

The most dangerous stories we make up are the narratives that diminish our inherent worthiness. We must reclaim the truth about our lovability, divinity, and creativity

Lovability: Many of my research participants who had gone through a painful breakup or divorce, been betrayed by a partner, or experienced a distant or uncaring relationship with a parent or family member spoke about responding to their pain with a story about being unlovable—a narrative questioning if they were worthy of being loved.

This may be the most dangerous conspiracy theory of all. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past thirteen years, it’s this: Just because someone isn’t willing or able to love us, it doesn’t mean that we are unlovable.

Divinity: Research participants who shared stories of shame around religion had less in common than most people guess. No specific denomination has emerged as more shaming in my work; however, there is a strong pattern worth noting. Over half of the participants who talked about experiencing shame in their faith histories also found resilience and healing through spirituality.

The majority of them changed their churches or their beliefs, but spirituality and faith remain important parts of their lives. They believed that the sources of shame arose from the earthly, man-made, human-interpreted rules or regulations and the social/community expectations of religion rather than their personal relationships with God or the divine.

Our faith narratives must be protected, and we must remember that no person is ordained to judge our divinity or to write the story of our spiritual worthiness.

Creativity and Ability: In Daring Greatly, I write, “One reason that I’m confident that shame exists in schools is simply because 85 percent of the men and women we interviewed for the shame research could recall a school incident from their childhood that was so shaming that it changed how they thought of themselves as learners. What makes this even more haunting is that approximately half of those recollections were what I refer to as creativity scars. The research participants could point to a specific incident where they were told or shown that they weren’t good writers, artists, musicians, dancers, or something creative. This helps explain why the gremlins are so powerful when it comes to creativity and innovation.”

Like our lovability and divinity, we must care for and nurture the stories we tell ourselves about our creativity and ability. Just because we didn’t measure up to some standard of achievement doesn’t mean that we don’t possess gifts and talents that only we can bring to the world. Just because someone failed to see the value in what we can create or achieve doesn’t change its worth or ours.

The Rising Strong book launch is one month away and I’m straddling that familiar tension between excited and scared – it’s not easy putting your ideas or yourself out in the world. So, when I start making up dangerous stories, one of the things that keeps me going is knowing that in less than four weeks I’ll be on the road having great conversations with this community about what it means to rise strong. I hope to see you on the road!

You can pre-order Rising Strong here. 

Tour Update

Many of the events are sold out; however, a couple of organizers have recently moved to larger venues. There are also a few events that haven’t opened ticket sales yet. We’ve also just opened the London events. You can find more information on the book events here.

See you on the road!


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  1. I am a follower. Thanks for the giveaway. I too love tutorials/patterns that I can save and refer back to. My quilting has come a long way because of the generousity of blogging quilters.

  2. 1. I'm proud of my country.2. I'm also embarrassed and/or ashamed of some of the things we've done.#1 and #2 are not contradictions; most parents can say the same of their kids. But it can't hurt to talk up #1 as often as possible, while dealing with #2 as necessary.I am reminded of my :"SCIENCE:If you don't make mistakes, you're doing it wrong.If you don't correct those mistakes, you're doing it really wrong.If you can't accept that you're mistaken, you're not doing it at all."This might be true of democracy as well.

  3. Poor little girl. But she sure knew how to pick the right person, didn’t she? Having introduced two dogs to three cats, my advice is slow, slow, slow. It’s all about training. Good things happen when the cat is in the room and good things happen when they don’t look at the cat like lunch. And yes…baby gates are essential.However, I know that the best thing would be to find her a good home and my fingers are crossed that you’re able to make that happen!Amber

  4. Orly is every bit as big an obot as Trump. She has to be doing this on purpose. It is impossible for licensed lawyer to be that stupid.Someone needs to investigate. She has been taking our money for years and is a secret obot.

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  6. Judy

    If I could meet any of my ancestors, it would be my great grfhtaadner George Rogers because I know so little about him before he was married. Who was he? What was his life like? Why did he join the military? So many questions, so little answers.

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